- The harder I practice, the luckier I get!
- Golf is harder than baseball. In golf, you have to play your foul balls.
- Golf is the only sport where the most feared opponent is you.
- The best wood in most amateurs’ bag is the pencil.
- Golf is a game where the ball lies poorly, and the players well.
- Real golfers don’t miss putts, they get robbed.
- In golf as in life, it’s the follow through that makes the difference.
- Golf is an easy game, it’s just hard to play.
- I’m in the woods so much I can tell you which plants are edible.
- I have a tip that can take 5 strokes off anyone’s game. It’s called an eraser
- If you think it’s hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball
- Drive for show, but putt for dough.
- Golf is the pursuit of the infinite.
- All is fair in love and golf
- Life is a game, but golf is serious
- While money can't buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery
- I won't have a battle of wits with an unarmed opponent.
- If the odds are a million to one against something occurring, chances are 50-50 it will.
- Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.
- Is the glass half empty, half full, or twice as large as it needs to be?
- I used to have a photographic memory, but it was never developed...
- I can resist everything except temptation.
- Originality is the art of concealing your source.
- Madness takes its toll, please have exact change.
- You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.
- There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
- Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
- The most wasted day of all is one in which we have not golfed.
- Great works are performed, not by strength, but by perseverance.
- Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
- Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
- I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
- Some of us worship in churches, some in synagogues, some on golf courses.
- I play with friends, but we don't play friendly games.
- The fun you get from golf is in direct ratio to the effort you don't put into it.
- My handicap? Woods and irons.
- Golf is the hardest game in the world to play, and the easiest to cheat at.
- If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt.
- How has retirement affected my golf game? A lot more people beat me now.
- I regard golf as an expensive way of playing marbles.
- Don't play too much golf. Two rounds a day is plenty.
- Golf has probably kept more people sane than psychiatrists have.
- Golf is a good walk spoiled.
- It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost balls while they are still rolling.
- Golf, like measles, should be caught young.
- Golf is a game in which you yell Fore, shoot six, and write down five.
- The ardent golfer would play Mount Everest if somebody would put a flagstick on top.
- They call it golf because all the other four letter words were taken.
- Golf is good for the soul; you get so mad at yourself you forget to hate your enemies
- Ninety percent of putts that are short, don't go in. ~ Yogi Berra
- When Golf starts getting in the way of work and family, give up work and family.
- Wise men don't need advice. Fools won't take it. ~ Benjamin Franklin
- Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't.
- The art of advice is to make the recipient believe he thought of it himself.
- A good scare is worth more than good advice.
- Whatever advice you give, be short.
- I admire the wisdom of people who come to me for advice.
- I sometimes give myself admirable advice, but I am incapable of taking it.
- The only thing to do with good advice is to pass it on; it is never of any use to oneself
- It was a woman who drove me to drink, and I never had the courtesy to thank her for it.
- I only drink to make other people seem more interesting.
- Alcohol is the anesthesia by which we endure the operation of life.
- A true friend never gets in your way unless you happen to be going down.
- Friends come and go but enemies accumulate.
- A true friend is one who overlooks your failures and tolerates your successes.
- A friend is one who knows you and loves you just the same.
- God gives us our relatives -- thank God we can choose our friends.
- Wise men don't need advice. Fools won't take it.
- Behind every successful man you'll find a woman who has nothing to wear.
- If at first you don't succeed, take the tax loss.
- Let us be thankful for the fools. But for them the rest of us could not succeed.
- If at first you don't succeed; you are running about average.
- Eighty percent of success is showing up.
- Success is going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm.
- Success seems to be largely a matter of hanging on after others have let go.
- To smoke is human; to smoke cigars is divine.
- Those who can't laugh at themselves leave the job to others.
- Nobody really cares if you're miserable, so you might as well be happy.
- I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. ~ Groucho Marx
- 'Tis better to be silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.
- What people commonly call fate is mostly their own stupidity.
- In order to be happy you need a good dog, a good woman, and ready money.
- Happiness is a positive cash flow.
- Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
- There are two kinds of statistics, the kind you look up, and the kind you make up.
- Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men -- the other 999 follow women.
- A man who wants to lead the orchestra must turn his back on the crowd.
- Life is like a dogsled team. If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never changes.
- Admit your errors before someone else exaggerates them.
- You will do foolish things, but do them with enthusiasm.
- Experience enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
- Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes.
- I'd rather be strongly wrong than weakly right.
- If I had my life to live again. I'd make the same mistakes, only sooner.
- The time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time.
- You can't turn back the clock. But you can wind it up again.
- No man goes before his time -- unless the boss leaves early.
- There's never enough time to do it right, but there's always enough time to do it over.
- Time is like money, the less we have of it to spare the further we make it go.
- Time flies. It's up to you to be the navigator.
- I'm going to stop putting things off, starting tomorrow!
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